2023

Whew, what a year it has been...

For me so much has been happening yet not happening at the same time. As I review my year and all that it brought, I really have to sit and reflect on my key lessons and themes for this year.

Top of the list is ...

1.Relationships

Redefining my role in my closest relationships whilst navigating triggers, new perspectives and understandings brought up a lot of grieving. I suppose grief in the form of loss of expectations, yes, these expectations were formed in my own head, however it's still a loss. A loss of potential outcomes, potential opportunities, a potential life, potential love, potential ....

I learnt that when I live my life having too many expectations from people, I set myself up for heartache. When I use the word potential, it's actually from a place of projection. As in, I can see the wealth of possibilities, figure out the most impactful solution and thus create imagined expectations. But the bottom line is, with all this, these are my projections, things I would do if I was in that person's situation.

The hard truth, is that they are not me, and I am not them, so I am learning to allow people to be who they show me who they are, not the projected version I need them to be.

Accept people as they are, place them where they belong.

Then you realise that you have been holding on to a lot of people, whether family or friends who do not have the capacity, resources or emotional intelligence to give you what you need.

Cue in many hours of intentional grieving.

A cathartic process of letting go of your own hopes and dreams that you built in another.

Instead of building your own dreams.

2. Accepting the troubles I've been given

Yes, more grieving here. Reviewing the actual unfolding of my life vs my dreams and things I've been actively striving toward and all the obstacles and troubles along the way. Yes, yes, I know, the obstacles are the path, but gosh these damn obstacles. When all you encounter is obstacles, it makes it not so easy to remember the lessons, growth and opportunities. Most people are giving you the highlights reel of their successes, but let's keep it real here, anything worthwhile takes time. Patience can crush you, makes you questions your entire purpose, existence and everything that you're doing and not doing. It's a relentless journey of perseverance, pivoting, steadfastness and the emotional roller coaster that goes along with it. The journey of faith.

I have been on extreme highs and lows with my Lord. From anger, bitterness, resentment, to love, devotion, spiritual bliss, a melting pot of emotions, beliefs and a cutting away of everything that doesn't belong. Lessons in faith.

How deep is my faith? How faithful am I?

What does my faith look like when things are not "going my way", aka The Almighty may be withholding? How is my heart connected? How is my heart affected? Can I still love and be in love through in all?

Existential questioning, life altering, soul expanding.

The aspects of my soul and my faith that I sit with. Consciously exploring and pulling apart my own limiting beliefs and perceptions, only to find more layers of weak faith; the peeling back of this onion is of epic proportions. Cue in more ugly cries, realisations of the illness of my own soul and the remedies that lie within me. I'm grateful for my spiritual path and guide, because I have a doctor of the soul who can guide me.

3. The illusion of control

Wow, wow, wow, so you may have infered by reading the previous 2 points, that I may have some control issues i.e trying to control people, outcomes, life. Clearly that hasn't been working well for me. I was never in control, but rather a piece of my Master, being moved and molded who He chose. My lower self doesn't like that much hey, she's kicking and screaming, trying hard to get what she wants, but to no avail. Don't get me confused here, I'm not talking about striving toward your goals here, I'm referring to being fixated on the outcome or expectations.

The lessons of being intentional and staying connected to your heart, regardless of the outcome or reaction. Being open hearted and knowing that your heart can be trampled on at any given moment but still choosing to keep your heart open in spite of the heartache. It's a more away from naivety, into heartfelt innocence. To is vulnerability cannot be shared with everyone, only those who deserve it.

So thats another lesson,

4. Discernment

Being intentionally open hearted, means you have to have boundaries and self awareness like a mother f^cker. Knowing who and what feels safe for you and then navigating that in the midst of people who are at different levels of their personal journeys and all that that entails.

When your inner lens changes, you can't unsee things. As your perceptions change, your ways of being, thinking, understanding and living changes. What previously believed to be true no longer holds, what your thought you wanted, you no longer need, what you now realise what you need, it's just out of your reach...

All these beautiful life lessons, all perfectly designed and packaged by the Master planner for my evolution. I pray I have given myself and Him the justices He deserves.

So let's recap,

Navigating more meaningful relationships

Accepting my difficulties

Letting go and letting God

Discernment

2023 has turned out to be a year of profound insights. Staring at the mirror of my own heart, recognising where she's at, giving her unconditional love and unconditional support. As I use these wisdoms to empower me to move forward, I pray that you have a blessed 2024

Lots of Love

Tasneem