Self awareness and Emotional Maturity
- Tasneem Behardien
- Mar 3, 2024
- 5 min read
So the chances are if you were like me, then you probably did not learn about or were modelled on how to explore your inner world and emotions. Chances are your feelings and emotional needs were probably not high on the agenda growing up.
Where ever you may currently find yourself on your self awareness and emotional awareness journey, these aspects are extremely important for your ability to self regulate.
Which then also has a huge impact on the quality of our relationships.
Self awareness and emotional maturity influence each other and are important aspects on one’s inner work and healing journey.
Emotional maturity involves a level of self-awareness wherein you are not controlled by your emotions even when you are triggered. People who have a high degree of emotional maturity take accountability for their behaviours and refrain from placing blame. (victimhood and lack is no longer a conscious or unconscious driving force)
Emotional maturity is your ability to navigate your emotions and life stressors in healthy ways which plays an important role in relationships, as it helps us resolve conflicts and enter into satisfying and secure relationships and
creates emotional safety and intimacy. And we all want more of that, right!
Here are some signs of an Emotionally Mature person:
You are empathetic. You are able to take the focus off of your own needs and viewpoints at times, and focus on the emotional realities of others in healthy ways.
You’re able to recognise and share your feelings. You are able to recognize others feelings, and also have an understanding of what is motivating them to feel the way they do.
You are flexible and open minded and not rigid in your thinking. Life is inherently challenging, and an emotionally mature person will respond to life’s challenges with an open, creative mind.
You are able to form secure and healthy relationships and are always learning about how to maintain healthy and secure relationships with others.
You take responsibility for your actions because you consider how your actions will affect others and will take responsibility if your actions end up causing any type of harm. You are able to apologize, take responsibility and be accountable for your actions by understanding and accepting consequences.
You understand your needs and are able to set healthy boundaries. Being able to set and maintain healthy boundaries is a cornerstone of being emotionally mature. That means that you are able to share what your emotional boundaries are to yourself and others, and that you are able to hold tight to those boundaries when faced with conflict.
You are able to resolve conflicts even if it’s uncomfortable. There’s no escaping the fact that conflicts are going to arise in life, but it’s a matter of how you handle them. You will seek to resolve conflicts, rather than prolong their existence, or thrive off of their chaos. Learning how to manage conflicts means developing some specific emotional and behavioral skills.
You can manage stress in healthy ways. Another given in life is that you are going to encounter stress. You will not try to push the stress away or to avoid feeling it. At the same time, they won’t fall into despair anytime they are inevitably faced with it. Instead, they will learn how to manage stress.
You know that you don’t know everything. You know what you don’t know, and also know that your own way of doing things may not be the only way or even the best way. You don’t argue “just to be right” or to show dominance to be in charge. You keep an open mind and have open ears and eyes to look for situations where you may be able to learn something, as well as know when you may have something positive to contribute to a situation that can help others.
You look for learning and growth in every opportunity. You are on the lookout for what can be learned from any situation or opportunity, and searches for the growth opportunity within it, asking “How can I learn and grow from this?”
You actively seek out various points of view to help you make an informed decision. You actively seek to inform their own opinions by actively seeking out the points of view of others. You don’t feel threatened by disagreement, but look to be informed by people, and aren’t afraid to question both their own convictions, knowing that you don’t exist in a vacuum. It’s not about an argument to prove who is right; it’s about wanting to be informed by different points of view to further clarify their own points of view, or recognizing that perhaps your point of view may even be wrong.
You are resilient. In the face of upsets, setbacks, or disappointments, you will acknowledge your feelings, identify what can be done, and then decide what steps to take to move on.
You have a calm disposition. You do get mad but do not let the emotion dictate their response. You aim to have a clear mind with the goal of having rationality dictate how to effectively deal with a situation and also see all of the available options to come to a successful resolution. You know that when emotions override rationality, clearness of thought gets blurred and can limit the options for dealing effectively.
You believe in yourself. You don’t have a false sense of self that is ego-based and deluded. But you do have optimism in your own ability to use effort and patience as a way to establish the belief that you are equipped to deal with whatever life may throw your way.
Approachability- You are able to and prefer to talk WITH people, not AT them. They have genuine empathy for others, an open mind, and work towards not being judgmental of others, knowing that judgments are often based on preconceived notions can impede your ability to know someone and their truth.
You have a good sense of humour. You realize that all of life can’t be taken seriously. You do realize the importance of getting done what needs to get done, but you realize the importance of having fun and laughter in life as a great coping mechanism and pressure release from stress.
You have a strong intuition. You have learnt to listen and follow the subtleties of your intuition, your inner knowing, seeing, feeling, sensing, hearing. You have trust your guidance and what it tells you even when it doesn’t make logical sense.
Now, given this comprehensive list of what emotional maturity looks like, the question is…
How do I become this self aware and emotionally mature version of myself?
In my experience, it starts with being intentional with yourself and your interactions
I obviously recommend working with a coach to help work through any blind spots. I invite you to schedule your complimentary 45 min discovery call here
You can also empower yourself with a self help workbook I have created to guide you on how to explore your triggers, emotions and beliefs. Navigating your beliefs, emotions and triggers are ways to create more self awareness and emotional maturity by going to the root cause and identifying how the pattern has been playing out in your life. The process is not about who was right or wrong, but rather a sacred exploration of the inner workings of yourself.
Click to download
Lots of Love
Tasneem
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