Embracing my path

So many conflicting emotions, beliefs and energies around this concept. The idea of purpose and all it means and how it manifests itself in my way of life and the different roles I play.

How purpose naturally unfolds as you become more you.

By now, you will know that I am someone who is deeply reflective, not afraid to go into the depths of darkness and will try and explore something until all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. I will search, pull part, question, ache and hang on for dear life until Divine guidance and my inner navigation system are in alignment. Not an easy energy to live with.... or to be around. I have denied my natural way of being, wanted to feel less, be less, perceive less, be anything other than myself because everyone and everything told me and showed me so. 

But what has The Beloved shown me, where has He taken me, what does He require from me?

In my desire to know, I am learning to explore my own deafness, my own shadows, my own dissociation, my deepest traumas and pains. I get to notice where others are deaf to themselves, their hearts, their souls, their minds. I am blessed to be able to serve those who are willing to “go there” through my work and my spiritual path. One of my biggest lessons I have been taught is to not fix but to only share with those who are willing. Those who come to me, knowing full well that when they do come to me, I will trigger them and will provoke what needs to be awoken inside them. 

I have had to learn who to hold on to, who to be patient with and who to let go of. 

I am reminded of this quote...

"A healer will trigger you. It’s inevitable. That’s their purpose, to trigger you into healing. To trigger your wounds to surface. To trigger you to face your own darkness. To trigger you into accepting, loving and integrating your shadow. To trigger you to grow and evolve into your highest self. Doesn’t mean that they’re bringing out the worst in you. On the contrary, they’re bringing you closer to the best in You. Intention and energy matter."

~Unknown

When someone is triggered or provoked by me, they are given a gift, the gift of having to sit with what is coming up for them as means to evolve. I have had to let people go who were not able to hold space for this kind of energy. The letting go of aspect remains a challenge even though I have gotten so much better at it. 

My lessons in discernment, boundaries and worthiness.

You see the double edged sword of having a healing energy/light means that you attract good and bad. When I work with a client, am with a friend or loved one, I pour my whole heart. In previous years, I believed that pouring without receiving was righteousness, the gateway of spirituality. Giving too much and getting less than nothing or harm in return and staying too long. I believed that was love, until The Beloved made me so uncomfortable that I had to stop dead in my tracks. 

Also known as my dismantling 3-5 years ago. This period of my life has been about sitting with my pain, my patterns, my hurt, my grief, my heartache and letting it teach me over and over again. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, nothing has been left untouched. Each time deeper and deeper. A return to my authentic self or fitrah. I have come to learn that this is my path, you my call it the wounded healer, the one who has to face her deepest fears over and over again in order to survive. 

Learning what it means to live and love.

"A healers gifts are her own wounds. It is the source of her empathy and true understanding of compassion and forgiving. She heals herself, embraces her wounds and feels her emotions as they become her sacred teachers."

No matter how much I try to avoid, run away from or deny, it is relentless in its pursuit. You can't outrun The Beloved, you can't control or outheal life, you can't outhide yourself, all you can do is be still. Its in the stillness that your life becomes your greatest teacher and wisdom is learnt. 

Embracing my path.... the journey of Truth

A constant mindset shift of "what is this trying to teach me"

And "what would the evolved version of myself do in this situation"

Where emotions are messengers, where He is guiding through everyone and everything, and life becomes a love story between lover and The Beloved and facing fears is your biggest catalyst for evolution.

"I remember that I spoke to The Beloved and I told Him I wanted to grow. To use me as a vessel. So He made me uncomfortable. He stripped me of everything I knew. Made me learn how to be silent, how to let go, how to break, how to mend, how to move on, how to stand my ground, how to be more understanding, how to strive, how to be more soft, how to be more assertive, more loving, less naive. He showed me to take everything I have learned and to share it with others."

(I prayed about what I must do was shown in a dream)

He taught me to remember and embrace the joy, the simple pleasures that have you in a love bubble where your heart sings and unconditional love surrounds you from within. To appreciate the meaningful things like kind words, gentle hearts, emotional intimacy, roaring laughter, kindred spirits, coming together of souls bonded before time.

The meaning of true connection and intimacy. 

How to be human.

A major shift that had to happen for me was the one of getting so caught up in empathizing, understanding and analyzing that I get lost in translation and forget about myself and my boundaries. When I allowed myself to explore this faulty belief system two things came up in different ways:

1. Self abandonment

2. No good enoughness

I find that I am having to come back to this deeper each time.

The fantastic thing is I know how to navigate my inner world, feel the rawness of each emotion and disempowering belief and how to allow it to teach me and open me up more from within. As someone with an emotional authority (according to Human Design), I have come to understand and ride out the wave of my emotions in its richness and fullness. Not a pretty sight to behold but it is really life changing to have the skill to build emotional awareness, resilience and maturity.

As Maryam Hasna said it "A healer is not someone who heals you. A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so that you may heal yourself."

When I work with my clients, I don't heal you, I empower you to heal yourself. A deeper way of looking at it, is I am merely a vessel of The Divine through which He wishes to manifest His healing.

And I am grateful to be of service

All praise to the Most High

Lots of Love

Tasneem