What does it mean to feel safe and loved and accepted for who you are?

This is a dilemma that I’m sure has plagued you in some way, shape or form.

With greater awareness on the need for emotional safety, connection and unconditional love, it can leave one feeling helpless and hopeless at the same time.

Asking yourself 

What does this look like?

What does this mean?

And 

Can I even have it?

The simple answer is that there is no simple answer but rather and understanding of your own needs, of what it means to be loved and what it looks like for you.

We are all different and may have the same needs but have different rules and ways of expressing them. Added to that, we

may not have the emotional or relational   skills on how to ask to have our needs met or the awareness of how to navigate ourselves and a situation if a person isn’t able to meet our needs.  

This makes for a whole lot of drama.

Queue in inner work and healing- this aspect of self development and self discovery is extremely vital and yet underrated. Understanding your needs, shadows, lower aspects of yourself, your triggers and limiting beliefs are the greatest catalysts for your inner evolution. 

I’m not gonna lie, that’s also why most people don’t do it, because you have to sit with yourself and recognise the role that you play in your own life story (consciously and unconsciously). And it takes inner strength and a level of commitment that is going to break you open like the devastation that tsunamis bring.

Only to be born into better versions of yourself, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

What you may not know that behind my so called conviction and strength is ugly cries, long periods of questioning my entire existence, oscillating between ascended master, innerchild trauma, sloth, inner gangster and magical sh!t. I embrace it all,  it’s called being human.

And I’ve learnt this about myself: 

I love hard and desire the best for everyone, whether you hurt me or not. I want everyone to win.

I have an insatiable thirst to have a deeper and clearer understanding and knowing of everything.

I toggle between my head and my heart too much and am very sensitive to rejection and perceived threat. I will retreat and you may get a lash out that will cut deep into the core of your being with deep truths about yourself which you will definitely not like.

Ha.

But I also respond very well to patience, loving acceptance and tenderness. So you can win me over with sincerity, compassion, a listening ear and encouragement.

Let me make an example

Not too long ago, I was going through an emotional crisis, the kind that shook me to my core. I couldn’t think straight.

I realised that I needed someone to hold space for me to help me process what I was feeling. So I said a prayer, checked in with myself and ask myself who I can turn to.

A specific long time friend came up and I called her and asked if she can hold me as I needed to process something and I felt she would be impartial.

Part of my processing process is that I journal to gain clarity of what I’m feeling or believing about a situation, so after I’d done my journaling, I decided to reach out to her.

We hopped onto a video call, I shared my heart, cried my eyes out, she listened, asked me questions to gain clarity and then gave me some positive reinforcement in the form of reminding me in her words “For as long as I know you (almost 2 decades), you have always had the midas touch, and have the ability to bring great change”

I didn’t realise she thought that of me, or that I needed to hear something like that but it made feel like there’s purpose and meaning to what I was doing and this crisis brought into question.

It questioned my why.

It brought up my relationship with this particular person that triggered me and why I allowed myself to be affected so deeply.

It triggered the core of my intentions and heart and I faltered.

It also showed me that I have those who can support me but I have to allow myself to be vulnerable.

It’s not easy, 

It’s hard to wear your heart on your sleeve and risk being rejected. And at the same time it’s also extremely healing and validating to wear your heart on your sleeve and not be rejected.

For me, this is an aspect of what it means to feel safe, loved and accepted for who I am.

To have someone love my drive, my great love, my fluctuating emotions, support me in my vision for impactful change of humanity (idealist much), hold space for me when I lose myself, remind me when I’m off course with myself and to still love

me even when I can cause deep wounds when I’m triggered (I actively work on this one). 

I need lots of love and appreciation and it’s perfectly okay for me to want that and to graciously receive it.

It doesn’t make me needy or shameful.

It rather reinforced my ability to trust myself and be true to my inner alignment or heart.

Through all this I learn some new insight or wisdom that may help others.

Lots of Love

Tasneem